Bloodsport (1988)
The primary focus of our discourse today centers upon the cinematic artifact known as "Bloodsport," a film released on April 29, 1988, which has garnered a reputation as a profoundly unintentionally humorous piece of entertainment. We delve into the absurdities inherent in the narrative, wherein Frank Dukes, portrayed by Jean Claude Van Damme, embarks on a perilous journey to engage in a martial arts tournament characterized by potentially lethal confrontations. Throughout our examination, we reflect upon the film's disjointed choreography and the peculiarities of its character portrayals, particularly the laughable antics of its antagonist, Chong Lee. The juxtaposition of the film's grave thematic aspirations with its ludicrous execution cultivates a viewing experience that elicits laughter rather than the intended gravitas. Ultimately, we achieve a consensus on the film's shortcomings, assigning it a dismal score of 0.5, indicative of its failings, yet acknowledging the inadvertent entertainment it provides.
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Transcript
It was like strapped in between the two trees.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:Two displays.
Speaker B:Drawing and quartering the man.
Speaker A:I'm dying because it's like I'm like I'm sitting there going, hm, I wonder how this is going to end.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Snapping the tree is not what I expected, I'll be honest.
Speaker B:But it is.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker A:John Claude Van Dan.
Speaker B:Welcome to the what's Everybody podcast.
Speaker B:We fashion ourselves cinematic judge and Jerry.
Speaker B:My name is Jay AJ Crowder.
Speaker B:I'm here with my co host, Alec Burgess.
Speaker A:Let's get it.
Speaker B:We appreciate you tuning in.
Speaker B:Go and hit that Follow subscribe like bell notification buttons help us grow the podcast.
Speaker B:Keep up with episodes.
Speaker B:Tell a friend about us, tell a family member about us, tell us some crazy martial artists about us.
Speaker B:We're okay with that.
Speaker B:Entertaining just to watch that.
Speaker B:Nothing else.
Speaker B:But yeah, listen, we're in week four, the final and glorious week of November for movies that are funny, that were not intended to be funny.
Speaker B:And I don't know, I think I got a banger here on this one.
Speaker B:But yeah, so we're doing Bloodsport.
Speaker B: ,: Speaker B:It was written by Sheldon Lettich and Christopher Cosby.
Speaker B:It was directed by Newt Arnold.
Speaker B:Stars Jean Claude Van Damme, Donald Gibb, Leah Ayers, Norman Burton, Forest Whitaker, Ray Chow, Randy Gill, Philip Chan, Bolo Jung and Shunyan Lung.
Speaker B:It is about.
Speaker B:Okay, so Bloodsport follows Frank, Frank Dukes, an American martial artist serving in the military who decides to leave the army to compete in a martial arts tournament in Hong Kong where fights to the death can occur.
Speaker B:Not bad.
Speaker A:Covers all the basic points.
Speaker B:It's pretty much you.
Speaker B:Can you read that and you've seen Bloodsport?
Speaker A:Yes, I would say so.
Speaker B:Listen, if you don't know why I picked this movie for this topic, then you've never seen this movie because God damn, I.
Speaker B:When I was a kid and watched this movie, we laughed our asses off, like, and back then you didn't understand how bad it was because it was like fighting where, like, these guys are kicking each other's ass.
Speaker B:The older I get, the more funny this movie gets.
Speaker B:And it is not intended to be funny.
Speaker B:In fact, it's very, very, very, very loosely based on a real person and, you know, a new, like, martial arts creativity and.
Speaker B:But God bless America, this movie is horrid and it is hilarious in ways that it should not be funny.
Speaker B:And man, I just can't tell you how much I laugh, like, even to this day at this movie, like, my favorite part and this Will be my kick, the end of my kickoff.
Speaker B:And then I'll.
Speaker B:I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
Speaker B:But every time somebody says Bloodsport or says blood or sport in the same.
Speaker B:Like, all I think about is this movie.
Speaker B:And when Chong Lee is like that.
Speaker B:That last fight where you get.
Speaker B:He's getting beat up a little bit, and he gets pissed, and he's, like, banging his head around, and then he goes.
Speaker B:And he runs at him with his teeth.
Speaker B:Oh, my God, dude.
Speaker B:And, like, John Claude Van Dukes jumps over him and does the splits.
Speaker B:Belly laughs.
Speaker B:Dude, like, can't breathe.
Speaker B:His face makes me laugh so hard.
Speaker B:It's so bad.
Speaker B:And even when I was a little kid, we left.
Speaker B:And all the.
Speaker B:The boob flexing, he does.
Speaker B:Oh, God.
Speaker B:Anyway, I'll let you talk about Bloodsport, my friend.
Speaker A:Well, so when this.
Speaker A:When this episode drops, jj, it's actually the week of Thanksgiving.
Speaker A:And I'm thankful now that I've seen Bloodsport in its entirety, because I'd never seen it all the way through.
Speaker A:Really seen bits and pieces, snatches of it, but it was one of those that I never had any real desire to kind of, like, finish through it.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker A:And like you said, it's not that good of a movie outside of a couple laughs.
Speaker A:And so if you.
Speaker A:If you turn on at the wrong time and you're just like, turn back off immediately.
Speaker A:And so when I was watching it through, I was.
Speaker A:I was cackling because I. I think.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:I didn't do any research, but this has got to be tied to Mortal Kombat somehow.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:I'm sure.
Speaker A:Like, based on or inspired by or one thing or other.
Speaker A:Because, yeah, it started.
Speaker A:I was like, oh, dude, this is Mortal Kombat.
Speaker A:Like, where's Johnny Cage first off?
Speaker A:And then something that's made its way into my, like, you know, TikTok or Facebook algorithm is the bullshito videos.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:Where they do, like, the absolute chest.
Speaker A:No way in hell does this actually work.
Speaker A:But people are advertising their martial arts expertise.
Speaker A:And so when he's first training or going through his training montage, and it's just, you know, is Sensei or whatever.
Speaker A:It's just pushing him down and rolling him over and all these things.
Speaker B:I'm like.
Speaker A:Because it just keeps on going and going, and it just gets more and more ridiculous.
Speaker A:Like his.
Speaker A:When he's, like, strapped in between the two trees.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker B:Drawing and quartering the man.
Speaker A:Dying.
Speaker A:Because it's like, I'm like.
Speaker A:I'm sitting There going.
Speaker A:I wonder how this is gonna end.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Snapping the tree is not what I expected, I'll be honest.
Speaker A:But it is, it is Jean Claude Van Damme, dude.
Speaker A:I will say though, like, Jean Claude Van Damme's so tricky because he's, he's impossible to watch.
Speaker A:But he's so good at like the stunts and moving his body and things like that.
Speaker A:So it's like mad respect for that.
Speaker B:Oh, for sure.
Speaker A:But then he's got, you know, soft, little high pitched, squeaky voice.
Speaker B:Dude.
Speaker A:And it's, it's hard to watch.
Speaker A:Especially when you compare him to like other action stars of the 80s.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:He's Schwarzenegger and you know, Stallone and everybody.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Bruce Willis.
Speaker B:Like any of them.
Speaker A:Right, Any of them.
Speaker A:And it's like, dude.
Speaker A:Because he's.
Speaker A:I would say Van Damme is probably athletically peak top.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Handily.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:But it's, it's because he was, he was a ballerina.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And so everything involves like a split kick or something like that, which.
Speaker A:Amazing.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But it's hard to work that into like a Predator movie.
Speaker A:Or, or could you imagine him as Rambo and Rambo running around the jungle?
Speaker A:Split kick.
Speaker A:It's terrible and I'm a terrible person for it.
Speaker A:But it's because his type of, you know, skill and his skill set is so hard to wrap around the 80s action style.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And so, I mean, I, I had to look at it four or five different times to make sure Forest Whitaker was actually Forest Whitaker that I was seeing.
Speaker B:I was like, I know, right?
Speaker A:There's no way.
Speaker A:But then you go on this little chase scene through Hong Kong.
Speaker B:Oh my God, dude.
Speaker A:And, and, and Duke's could have lost him in 10 seconds flat.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:But he just keeps it going because he keeps spinning around cars or jumping.
Speaker B:When he stops and waves at him like, I'm like, why don't we all.
Speaker B:I was like.
Speaker B:And they got this music playing, but I'm just waiting for like the.
Speaker B:That's all I can.
Speaker B:I'm like, this is the wrong music for what's going.
Speaker A:It was y sax to get.
Speaker B:Anything else because it's just so goofy and.
Speaker A:I'm just cracking up.
Speaker A:Because.
Speaker A:Especially because, like, right at the kickoff of this movie, he handily loses the.
Speaker A:The military.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:He loses his handler in 10 seconds flat.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And he kind of disappears.
Speaker A:Goes off and he can't find him anywhere.
Speaker A:Like, could you imagine if just in the background he's like pirouetting and waving at.
Speaker A:Just heading Off.
Speaker B:So stupid.
Speaker A:But that's what we got.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:Yeah, like.
Speaker A:And you could turn it.
Speaker A:You could still have him use his ballet skills in a chasing.
Speaker A:That looks a little bit more believable.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But it's just like, like, bold choice there to.
Speaker A:To have that going.
Speaker A:And that's just one of a handful of choices in Bloodsport where I shouldn't have laughed, but I was.
Speaker A:Because I was like, there is no way somebody.
Speaker B:Dude, we need a little chaplain stop stick in our blood movie.
Speaker B:That's what it felt like.
Speaker B:It just is so out of place in this movie.
Speaker B:But it happens.
Speaker B:It happens.
Speaker A:I'll tell you.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:The bold choice.
Speaker A:Boldest choice I've ever seen in a movie.
Speaker A:And this is.
Speaker A:I've seen some movies from a lot of decades.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Whose idea was it to have the black guy moving around, like, ease.
Speaker A:A gorilla in the jungle as his fighting style?
Speaker A:Dude, seriously.
Speaker A:Hey, it's terrible.
Speaker B:The one that jumps up in the tree and karate chops the coconut.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, no, you did not.
Speaker A:But even that part, like, during the beginning, I was kind of.
Speaker A:I was like, okay, cool.
Speaker A:Like, he's jumping through the trees or whatever.
Speaker A:It's a training regimen.
Speaker A:But then when you get him in the ring.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker B:It's horrid.
Speaker A:It was terrible.
Speaker A:And I was just sitting there going, oh, my gosh.
Speaker B:Yeah, dude.
Speaker B: So you can tell it's: Speaker B:Yeah, it's so bad.
Speaker A:It was like, multiple times where they kept going back to different fights as he was advancing through this dude.
Speaker A:And everyone is just worse.
Speaker A:Like, they.
Speaker A:They even at one point had him spinning like you'll see a gorilla do in the.
Speaker A:In.
Speaker A:In any movie.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I was just.
Speaker A:I was sitting there going, there's no way, dude.
Speaker A:No way this movie cleared.
Speaker A:Nope.
Speaker B:Hell no.
Speaker B:Could not be made today.
Speaker A:And so they're going.
Speaker A:The boldest choice I've ever seen in a movie.
Speaker A:And I've seen.
Speaker A:I've seen Blazing Saddles.
Speaker A:I've seen Flamingos.
Speaker A:I have seen the worst of the worst movies.
Speaker A:And then this one was the one I was going, oh, boy.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know it's bad when you're more shocked than a freaking sausage tied to a penis.
Speaker B:Like, that's.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Like, because that's something else.
Speaker B:But, yeah, dude, it's bad.
Speaker B:It's bad.
Speaker A:But it was like, that's.
Speaker A:That's an egregious thing.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:That I was.
Speaker A:By the time we got to that point, it was just.
Speaker A:I was Sitting there going, what am I watching?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You can't help but laugh.
Speaker B:Like, it's just like.
Speaker B:That's what I'm saying.
Speaker B:Like, I. I can't take any of them serious.
Speaker B:And then the choreography is so terrible that I'm like, dude, I would beat these guys's asses.
Speaker B:Like, what.
Speaker B:What is happening right now?
Speaker B:And, like, none of it's believable.
Speaker B:Like, even down to, like, the last fight where he, like, he's blinded.
Speaker B:Like, why is he just screaming?
Speaker B:Like, what's that supposed to do?
Speaker B:Like, I just don't understand.
Speaker B:Like, use your words.
Speaker B:Tell someone that you're blind.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Like, don't just scream.
Speaker B:Like, what is that gonna do for you anyway?
Speaker B:Like, it just.
Speaker B:But, yeah, the choreography and the fights are so bad.
Speaker A:Terrible.
Speaker B:And you can tell, like, Van Damme's just like.
Speaker B:Like, he's doing these spinning wheel kicks back to back to it.
Speaker B:I'm like, just, like, duck and punch him in the dick, and it's over.
Speaker B:Like, it's just so stupid.
Speaker B:At least play it at full speed, too.
Speaker B:Because the whole.
Speaker B:Every fight's in slow mo.
Speaker B:And I'm like, oh, Jesus.
Speaker A:And, like, especially Van Damme stuff, right?
Speaker A:Because, you know, he can do it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:At full speed.
Speaker A:And it's much more impressive rather than everything they're slowing down.
Speaker A:You know, they're slowing it down because it's very choreographed, and they got to make sure they hit it right.
Speaker A:But this dude is just going.
Speaker A:He's got the balance.
Speaker A:He's got the ability to, you know, pull off these moves at full speed.
Speaker A:Like, that's what I want to see.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:That's why you mentioned the blind stuff.
Speaker A:Because he has that whole sequence where he's, like, protecting the ref behind him.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Where it could have just been a very simple, like, hey, dude, he cheated.
Speaker A:I can't see nothing.
Speaker A:It's just so weird.
Speaker A:My eye.
Speaker B:It's so bad.
Speaker B:It's so bad.
Speaker B:And Chong Lee's, like, the worst.
Speaker B:Like, he's just it.
Speaker B:Flexing his freaking pecs every time, and I'm in the.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:Like, oh, he's had fists up and down as they're chanting his name.
Speaker B:I'm like, oh, my God, this is so terrible.
Speaker B:Like, he's.
Speaker B:They're physical specimens, right?
Speaker B:Like, these guys, massive human beings built, obviously, very athletic.
Speaker B:It's no, like, no diss to their ability, right?
Speaker B:And I'm sure most of those guys, probably even the black guy that they completely screwed in this movie, is probably a very Adept martial artist, but you can't.
Speaker B:This doesn't show you that.
Speaker B:Like, it makes them a joke.
Speaker B:100.
Speaker B:Like, and here's the worst part is the fact that the kumite, like, and I don't know if it's called the kumite in your life, but, like, this thing actually exists.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like, at least back then, and it was a thing.
Speaker B:And, like, you're making this.
Speaker B:And I'm sure that they really find honor in, like, an actual sense of achievement by participating.
Speaker B:I mean, you.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker B:We have UFC and the fighting now.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker B:And listen, I know how UFC started back in, like, the pride fights, and that was.
Speaker B:Started to show off the ability of Brazilian jiu jitsu.
Speaker B:Like, the Gracies were like, I can.
Speaker B:I can beat anybody's ass from my back.
Speaker B:And he proved it.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Like, so it's not like, these guys don't take this seriously, but, like, I would be massively offended if I was part of this in real life.
Speaker B:And this is the movie that we have to represent what it is that I trained my whole life for, and I put my life at risk and my body in harm's way to do to show off my ability, and this is the movie that I get to represent that.
Speaker B:Oh, I'd be livid, because this is the worst.
Speaker A:Oh, it's terrible.
Speaker A:I will say, though, if I could make my titties dance, I'd do it all the time, too.
Speaker A:A lot of.
Speaker A:A lot of.
Speaker A:A lot of swinging back and forth because they're hanging so low.
Speaker A:But, yeah, I mean, it's just yes to everything you kind of said.
Speaker A:And it's just.
Speaker A:It just piles on, though.
Speaker A:Like, it starts bad when you get the line that cracks me up as a little kid.
Speaker A:Calls him Brown Eye.
Speaker B:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:Cracking me up.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And it ruins it a little bit later where you find out that his son passed away.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And it's that moment I'm still.
Speaker A:Because it.
Speaker A:It's too close together to the.
Speaker A:To the round comment.
Speaker A:I'm still laughing at that.
Speaker A:And I miss over what's supposed to be, like, this really emotional kind of, you know, making sure that the.
Speaker A:He stays tied to this family.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Gives you that connection.
Speaker A:I gloss over that because I'm like, that was funny.
Speaker A:And then we go into the.
Speaker A:The, you know, training montage, and I tell you, by the time you had the blindfold out, I was like, I wonder how this is going to help him in the.
Speaker A:Yeah, no, this is very much like, like, the Karate Kid.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:The crazy kid kind of Thing or the this, you know, the.
Speaker A:Tells you what happens.
Speaker A:What's going to happen the end of the movie, in the beginning of the movie.
Speaker A:And part of their training is key.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So in that couple, I was like.
Speaker A:And then, sure enough, John Lee, I was like, oh, geez, he's blind.
Speaker A:That's unfortunate.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:If only he only trained for this.
Speaker A:For this kind of thing.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So bad.
Speaker B:So bad.
Speaker B:Well, and I love that it starts with a training montage, and then there's like.
Speaker B:This is like, the epitome of montages.
Speaker B:I think there's, like, six of them in this.
Speaker B:I'm like, good.
Speaker B:And it starts with one.
Speaker B:The first thing we see is montage of all these guys training.
Speaker B:And I'm just like, wow, this is some bad writing.
Speaker B:When you have to rely that much on montages.
Speaker B:Like, montages are great, you guys.
Speaker B:You know me, I love them.
Speaker B:On a good montage.
Speaker A:I need one to tell me why someone gets somewhere.
Speaker A:But this.
Speaker A:This is too much.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Six of them.
Speaker B:Or seven, whatever it is, the number.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:I'm like, good God.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:You might as well just made a YouTube video of nothing but montages, and we would have got.
Speaker B:Just probably would have been a better movie.
Speaker A:Undoubtedly.
Speaker B:If I don't need dialogue, I just watch montages of fighting.
Speaker B:Game on.
Speaker B:In fact, this is the perfect movie.
Speaker B:Oh, now we're gonna have to do this for, like, some sort of Patreon thing.
Speaker B:But, like, this is that perfect movie.
Speaker B:Like, you and I should watch it with it muted and we're the voices.
Speaker A:That would be good.
Speaker B:Oh, dude, could you imagine?
Speaker B:No, I can't.
Speaker B:I wanted to do something right there, but I'm like, nope, can't do that on YouTube.
Speaker B:That would not be okay.
Speaker A:We could have a lot of fun with it.
Speaker B:Oh, we could have a ton of fun with that.
Speaker B:We could also get seriously canceled for that.
Speaker A:But easily.
Speaker B:Yeah, it.
Speaker B:This movie.
Speaker B:Like, I watched this movie.
Speaker B:The first time I watched this movie, I think I was, like, 8 or 9 years old, and it had been out for a little bit, but, like, everybody kept talking about bloodsport and bloodsport and it's real.
Speaker B:And Frank Dukes was a real person.
Speaker B:And I'm like, dude, if I'm Frank Dukes, I'm pissed.
Speaker B:Like, because there's.
Speaker B:This cannot be a good representation of what this man did and went through.
Speaker B:And, like, Jesus.
Speaker B:Because it's bad.
Speaker B:Like, so bad that I don't even know what else to talk about with this movie.
Speaker B:This might be the shortest episode we've ever had.
Speaker A:I do have one other thing.
Speaker B:Yeah, let's hear it.
Speaker B:I'm excited.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So we get to, you know, we get to Hong Kong, and he meets his biker friend or, you know, heavy.
Speaker A:Heavy boxer guy.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Best character in the whole.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:By far, hands down.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I was cracking up at the, like, because they.
Speaker A:They have the invitation.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But then he still has to, like, go through this testing, prove himself with the bricks.
Speaker A:And I was cracking up at this supposed test.
Speaker A:It's like, you know, he's not just gonna break a brick, but he can break a specific brick.
Speaker A:Brick in the wall of bricks.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And leave the other ones completely untouched.
Speaker A:Like, if.
Speaker A:If I was in this contest.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And I see that, I'll just go ahead and let myself out.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:No, if you're telling me this.
Speaker A:This man can go ahead and pick out a brick in any single wall and just break it.
Speaker A:Not break anything.
Speaker A:It's just that brick.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Maybe I'm not the guy to try and.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Outshadow him or beat him in the kuma day.
Speaker A:You know me.
Speaker A:Maybe I should just try something else.
Speaker A:Like take up a new sport like cricket, for instance, Because I. I'm not the guy who's gonna go ahead and just stick around.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But props to his buddy who's like, dude, he's all about it.
Speaker A:I mean, first of all, best friend ever.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:You know, you just barely met the dude, and then all of a sudden, you're like.
Speaker A:You just pretty much guaranteed that you're never gonna win this.
Speaker A:Or you just saw that there's no way, no shot.
Speaker A:You don't have a chance, and you're stoked for him rather than being like, well, this is a wasted trip.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Well, yeah.
Speaker B:That guy's winning it life.
Speaker B:Like, I break this brick.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:What if he decides he wants to break my balls?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:In the rib.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And my break.
Speaker B:My dick falls off.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Like, I'm out.
Speaker B:I'm good.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:That's weird.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You can't get a foul for that because in a perfectly legal spot.
Speaker B:Wasn't an eye poke.
Speaker B:He didn't kick me in the dick.
Speaker B:It just fell the off after he punched me in the titty.
Speaker A:How do you even combat that?
Speaker A:Everybody's all nonchalant about it.
Speaker A:Like, instead of being like.
Speaker A:Even the door guys who are kind of like the, you know, registration committee or whatever, even they were just like, okay.
Speaker A:Yeah, good, I guess.
Speaker A:Checks out.
Speaker A:Nice move.
Speaker A:Dude, yeah, I'm cool.
Speaker A:Not like anybody else was breaking bricks on their way.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Speaking of him, though, like, what a doofus.
Speaker B:Like, I love him.
Speaker B:He is the best part of the movie by far.
Speaker B:But he beats the.
Speaker B:Out of Chong Lee up front, and he starts dancing around like a. I'm like, this dude is, like, killed people on this stage.
Speaker B:And, like, he's an X time winner.
Speaker B:And, like, you're just gonna, like, dance around like you did some after you.
Speaker B:I mean, yeah, you got some hits in, but you're a boxer.
Speaker B:Knock this dude on his ass and get on top of him and start wailing.
Speaker B:Like, what the.
Speaker A:Keep him down.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, don't let this dude put his back together.
Speaker B:Like, oh, my God.
Speaker B:And then, like.
Speaker B:And then it gets worse because you're.
Speaker B:I'm supposed to feel some.
Speaker B:Because he got his ass beat.
Speaker B:He got his face stepped on.
Speaker B:But all I'm doing is laughing at Chong Lee holding up his bandana.
Speaker B:I'm like, yeah, this isn't funny.
Speaker B:But I'm laughing.
Speaker A:I'm laughing because he's just.
Speaker B:I'm like, oh, my God, this is terrible.
Speaker B:He's bouncing his arms in his titties at the same time.
Speaker B:Like, I can't.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:He plays keep away with the bandana from.
Speaker B:And then the little referee, like, barely touches Dukes and keeps it, holds him back from going after him.
Speaker A:I'm like, yeah.
Speaker B:Oh, this looks so stupid.
Speaker B:And I'm supposed to be emotionally damaged right now, but I'm just like.
Speaker A:But I'm laughing.
Speaker B:This is funny.
Speaker B:This is goofy.
Speaker B:Like, put in one of the super babies, they'll beat his ass.
Speaker B:It's so bad.
Speaker A:That is true.
Speaker A:It's just.
Speaker A:It just kind of.
Speaker A:It just stacks on itself.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Just when you think there's no way this is gonna get any worse, it gets worse.
Speaker B:Yeah, it gets worse.
Speaker B:I. I think the epitome of the bad is the chase scene.
Speaker B:And then I.
Speaker B:Because it's.
Speaker B:It's, like, supposed to be funny, but I'm like, all I can do in that moment is go, what is happening right now?
Speaker B:And then when it's not supposed to be funny, I'm laughing my ass off.
Speaker B:And then there's, like, this shitty love story between him and the.
Speaker B:Like, when he gets mad at the reporter and he's like, what did you want to be the greatest reporter?
Speaker B:I'm like, that doesn't translate.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Like, yeah, it doesn't work.
Speaker B:Like, okay, maybe if she was, like, a military correspondent in a wartime.
Speaker B:Okay, now we can have this argument.
Speaker B:But her writing a story about somebody that's going to fight to the death possibly is very different than you going and actually fighting to the death possibly.
Speaker B:Stop it.
Speaker B:Like, don't simp.
Speaker B:Don't over.
Speaker B:The oversimplification was brutal and I'm just like, whatever.
Speaker B:So anyway, should we rate this turd?
Speaker A:Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker B:I'm first.
Speaker B:This is hard, dude, because like, I want to give it a zero, but I also watched she Dies Tomorrow and.
Speaker A:I watched Five Years Ago jj.
Speaker B:I know, but I also watched Moon.
Speaker B:Whatever Moonfall that was.
Speaker B:And I think that was my first actual zero.
Speaker B:I'm gonna give it a 0.5.
Speaker B:I can't.
Speaker A:It.
Speaker B:It's bad.
Speaker B:And it fits the theme to me.
Speaker B:Like it is peak wasn't meant to be funny, but is hilarious because it's hilarious, but it was not meant to be.
Speaker B:Like, this is supposed to be a very serious story.
Speaker B:But they it all up.
Speaker B:Like they just tell it wrong.
Speaker B:There anything you could do wrong, they did it in this movie.
Speaker B:Chaplain slapstick chase in the middle of it.
Speaker B:Like some weird dude tackling government officials, military men, like military police chasing that.
Speaker B:Like it's just bad.
Speaker B:Like there's nothing good about this movie.
Speaker B:It's just other than the martial arts could have been cool.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because you do have to your point.
Speaker B:Jean Claude Van Damme is a physical specimen that can do like all the.
Speaker B:That he does with the kicks and the stretches and the splits.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:He does that and they it up by doing it all in slow motion or making it goofy and.
Speaker B:But man, is it bad.
Speaker B:And I haven't watched this in probably three decades.
Speaker B:But I was so glad I watched it again and was like, this is terrible because.
Speaker B:And I was so thankful for Charles to give me this topic because I was like, I finally.
Speaker B:It's the first thing that popped in my head was Bloodsport.
Speaker B:I was like, it's.
Speaker B:I get to put Bloodsport on the list because it's so bad.
Speaker B:And I didn't know whether to put it on funny, not funny, or to put it on how did this get made?
Speaker B:But then I remembered the 80s and that's how this got made.
Speaker B:Because martial arts movies in the 80s was like all the rage.
Speaker B:And so I was like, no, this fits in funny, not funny.
Speaker B:Because they tried so hard to make this very serious movie that just is hilarious because it's so bad.
Speaker B:So, yeah, 0.5 for me.
Speaker B:Your turn, buddy.
Speaker A:I'll be right there with you.
Speaker A:0.5.
Speaker A:Yeah, it is it's, it's, it's not even one of those.
Speaker A:You can say it got something right.
Speaker A:It got nothing right.
Speaker A:No, like absolutely nothing.
Speaker A:And the problem is what it really got wrong is what I find the most funny.
Speaker A:It's, it's terrible.
Speaker A:I'm a terrible person.
Speaker A:I already know.
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:But at the same time I'm sitting there going like this.
Speaker A:This would have been perfect for me.
Speaker A:And how on earth did this get made?
Speaker A:Because that's the question I ask myself.
Speaker A:Granted, I first time I'd seen all the way through.
Speaker A:So I'm looking through a lens of a different time.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker A:And not having the nostalgia tire, the past tied to it.
Speaker A:But I'm sitting here going, there's no way this movie should have ever been made.
Speaker B:Oh man.
Speaker A:And it just, it doesn't have like any real saving grace to it.
Speaker A:There's.
Speaker A:There's not a lot you can say.
Speaker A:I mean, I think the only positive thing we talked about was the big dude.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:As he was the best character.
Speaker A:That's like the only positive thing in this movie.
Speaker A:And it is a.
Speaker A:What's close to an hour and a half hour 45 long.
Speaker A:Sweet.
Speaker A:You're looking at 90 plus minutes of content and the only good.
Speaker A:And it's the guy who's in there for like 10 minutes and he's just your, your big old beer drinking boxer.
Speaker A:That's you know, having, having a blast type of a thing.
Speaker A:And it's just, it's just so bad.
Speaker A:But it, I cr.
Speaker A:I crack up because it's, it's supposed to be a serious movie.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Underground fight club.
Speaker A:Like that's, that's supposed to be the vibe.
Speaker A:And I'm just cackling because Forest Whitaker falls over into the.
Speaker A:The falls off the boat during a chase scene.
Speaker A:That takes 15 minutes and it should only take 30 seconds.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:It just cracks me up.
Speaker A:And so it's, it's, it definitely fits the bill.
Speaker A:But yeah, 0.5 for me.
Speaker A:I don't think I'll watch this again, but I will go find some clips because it is funny.
Speaker B:Oh yeah.
Speaker B:I think the only way I would watch it is if we did the whole like creating our own dialogue for it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Oh, that would be funny.
Speaker B:As I.
Speaker B:Again, we would have to limit who can watch that.
Speaker B:But that would be ridiculous because I would not be able to hold back.
Speaker B:But yeah.
Speaker B:So once everybody's done watching us, where can they go to find us in other ways?
Speaker B:Alec.
Speaker A:Oh, let's see.
Speaker A:Best place to find us is on YouTube.
Speaker A:You can see our faces which this entire episode has been in one or more kind of laughing faces and such and such.
Speaker A:That's the best place to find us and our content behind YouTube is what's our verdict?
Speaker A:Reviews on Patreon.
Speaker A:So on Patreon we have quite a slew of stuff.
Speaker A:So we have votes.
Speaker A:That's how we've been doing the podcast contents involved into letting viewers, listeners, people who just want to swing by and vote, swing by and vote on Patreon.
Speaker A:Then we put some movies into different topics, let you vote on that again, do a double vote, get it out and that way you can be more involved in the creation process for the what's ever broadcast.
Speaker A:We do have in addition to that, 600 episodes of Extra content on the back end of a small playwall.
Speaker A:But there you'll find bloopers behind the scenes, us talking about stupid and all the way up to full length episodes of movies that we watched that we could not put on the main channel in a thousand years.
Speaker A:And it is, it is some doozies.
Speaker A:There's.
Speaker A:I'll give you guys a sneak peek.
Speaker A:What was it?
Speaker A:Zohar.
Speaker B:Oh, so fan or no thing?
Speaker A:Something like that, dude.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Sean connery in the 70s.
Speaker A:Google it.
Speaker A:You'll see it.
Speaker A:You will.
Speaker A:You will be intrigued in a Mankini and a Mankini.
Speaker A:It's beautiful.
Speaker A:But couldn't put that on the main channel for obvious reasons.
Speaker A:But with that, I will kick it back to the Titan of Terror, the Colossus Clout A JJ Yeah, yeah, we.
Speaker B:Get some fun ones coming up, but yeah, thanks Alec.
Speaker B:Appreciate it.
Speaker B:And we appreciate you guys all tuning in and listening.
Speaker B:And as always, we'll catch you on the next one.
Speaker A:Asta la vista, baby.
Speaker B:Cinematic.
