Waterworld (1995)
The primary focus of our discourse delves into the cinematic creation known as "Waterworld," a film that, despite its ambitious narrative premise of an aquatic apocalypse, ultimately falters under the weight of its own execution. Within this discussion, I express a profound incredulity regarding the persistent notion that this film possesses any inherent merit, given its status as one of the most notorious cinematic failures in history. Alec and JJ examine the film's myriad shortcomings, including its lack of coherent storytelling and the overly simplistic character development that renders the protagonist unengaging. Furthermore, we scrutinize the film's effort to convey a message about ecological catastrophe, which is undermined by its inconsistent portrayal of the world and its inhabitants. Ultimately, our analysis reveals a consensus that, while the film could benefit from a contemporary reimagining, it remains an exercise in absurdity that elicits laughter for all the wrong reasons.
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Transcript
I want to be that dude that's out outside the raid, that's sitting on the guns, that's just so into shooting stuff, he doesn't even realize that he's being turned around.
Speaker A:And like, yeah, you're like, what's his name?
Speaker A:Maybe try calling him Charles.
Speaker B:Who's that cousin over there?
Speaker A:Like, yeah.
Speaker A:Welcome to the what's Every podcast.
Speaker A:We fashion ourselves cinematic judge and Jerry.
Speaker A:My name is JJ Crider.
Speaker A:I'm here with my car co host Alec Burgess.
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Speaker A:Yeah, swing over to Patreon.
Speaker A:That'll help us grow the podcast.
Speaker B:Such a great recording.
Speaker A:It really fun.
Speaker A:Yeah, you know, we.
Speaker A:You can make us.
Speaker A:Help us pick movies like this one we're talking about.
Speaker A:We've started a new month.
Speaker A:It is November, and in the month of November, we're doing movies that are funny that were not intended to be funny.
Speaker A:It's a great topic.
Speaker A:Appreciate it.
Speaker A:CB Charles.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker A:Good topic.
Speaker A:If you want to get involved in some of these topic choices, join us on Patreon.
Speaker A:You can do it for free.
Speaker A:There are some paywall stuff to get you more content, but if you want to torture us or give us good.
Speaker B:Stuff, and it's a lot more content.
Speaker B:We're talking like 600 extra videos.
Speaker A:It's a ton.
Speaker A:It's a ton.
Speaker A:And the ridiculousness.
Speaker A:But yeah.
Speaker A:So the month of November, it should be interesting.
Speaker A:And we're kicking it off with a literal bang.
Speaker A:Water world.
Speaker A:Waterworld was released July 28th.
Speaker A:That's my.
Speaker A: That's Casey's birthday,: Speaker A:It was written by Peter Raider and David Tui.
Speaker A:Tui Tui.
Speaker A:Directed by Kevin Reynolds.
Speaker A:It stars Kevin Costner, Gene Triple Horn, Lanny Flater, Flair.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:Flaherty, Tina Majorono, Majorino.
Speaker A:And these names.
Speaker A:Robert A. Silverman.
Speaker A:It doesn't have.
Speaker A:What's his face on there?
Speaker B:Dennis Hooper.
Speaker A:Yeah, Dennis Hopper.
Speaker A:Like, how do you not.
Speaker A:Yeah, how do you not have Dennis Hopper?
Speaker A:Anyway, Chain Drophy, Arty.
Speaker A:Call Willie Petrovic and Gerard Murphy will say I.
Speaker A:That's the weirdest cast list ever because it doesn't have hardly anybody that was actually in this movie for more than five minutes.
Speaker A:But, yeah, it's a.
Speaker A:About.
Speaker A:It's a movie about.
Speaker A:In a future where the polar ice caps have melted and Earth is almost entirely submerged, a mutated mariner fights starvation and outlaw smokers and reluctantly helps a woman and young girl try to find dry land.
Speaker A:If you're not watching me on YouTube, you didn't see the air quotes under smokers, because we're not talking about Marlboro man here.
Speaker A:But, yeah, listen.
Speaker A:All right, Alec, this is your pick, dude.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:Let's.
Speaker A:Let's hear it.
Speaker B:I have been trying to get this movie on the podcast for, like, seven straight months.
Speaker B:Like, every single time we have categories come up, I. I'm trying to slip Waterworld in there wherever I can, because.
Speaker B:So this.
Speaker B:This movie's so crazy because I have a. I actually kind of like it.
Speaker B:And it's because I first watched it when I was, like, 11 or 12, so it's that, like, spirit of adventure kind of thing.
Speaker B:And, you know, this.
Speaker B:My parents wouldn't let me watch Mad Max, but I could watch this.
Speaker B:And so it's, you know, Mad Max knockoff.
Speaker B:Just add water.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker B:And I'll stand by the fact, I think the first 10 minutes of this movie, minus the fact that you start out with him, like, recycling his own piss into water, is pretty good.
Speaker B:Like, you get to meet the hero.
Speaker B:You get to see that Waterworld is worth this place.
Speaker B:You get to see the bad guys are ruthless and all this stuff from there, it goes down and it just nose dives.
Speaker B:And I think.
Speaker B:I think this is a movie that I would actually enjoy a reboot of, revisiting this, kind of updating it, making it actually a good story.
Speaker B:And I noticed this with my two picks that I did this this month.
Speaker B:And even that, it's.
Speaker B:It's the funny comes from the fact that it's almost like one of the actors went off script.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:The villains went off script, and that's what made it funny.
Speaker B:And it's the only thing that makes it watchable.
Speaker B:But you take this very serious movie.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Or serious theme to a movie, and as soon as you meet Dennis Hopper as a champion, it's just absolute chaos.
Speaker B:And it's hilarious.
Speaker B:He does a fantastic job, but it almost overshoots the movie.
Speaker B:But at the same time, if you take him out, the movie is trash with him in it.
Speaker B:The movie isn't much better than trash, but he's the only saving grace to the entire movie for, I don't know, the two hours that it runs is give me more Dennis Hopper Give me more, Deacon.
Speaker B:Just every single interaction he has with anybody is the.
Speaker B:Is the new best part of the movie.
Speaker B:And so, yes, as soon as I got the topic, I was like, oh, yes, this.
Speaker B:This is my month.
Speaker B:This is my month.
Speaker B:And so I got Water World on.
Speaker B:It's a movie that I enjoy watching because it has that kind of almost nostalgia.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:When I watched it, it was a decade old, but at the same time, it's just like.
Speaker B:It's so funny.
Speaker B:It's so bad, but it's so funny.
Speaker B:And when Dennis Hooper.
Speaker B:Dennis Hopper's on screen that I just.
Speaker B:I just can't help but crack up.
Speaker B:And I'll sit down and watch Waterworld pretty much whenever, because I'm gonna laugh at it.
Speaker B:And it's an apocalyptic.
Speaker B:Supposed to be Mad Max on the water film, not supposed to be funny in the slightest.
Speaker B:And I'm just cackling because it's.
Speaker B:It's funny.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it shouldn't be.
Speaker B:It's so great.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:We may have peaked with this topic on the very first film because for.
Speaker A:Yeah, this movie is not intended to be funny, but God bless America, do I not laugh my ass off because it's so bad?
Speaker A:And I remember, first, let me apologize to anyone listening or watching.
Speaker A:I sound disgusting.
Speaker A:I've been really sick.
Speaker A:So I apologize for that.
Speaker A:But, like, I remember seeing this movie in the theater when it came out.
Speaker A:I was 14, and I. I watched it and was like, it was probably the first movie that I went to.
Speaker A:And I left and went to my dad.
Speaker A:I was like, that was horrible.
Speaker A:And it.
Speaker A:You know, and it's an interesting, like, like, lesson to be learned about something.
Speaker A:Because, like, Kevin Costner basically was a.
Speaker A:Was given carte blanche after Dances With Wolves.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Amazing movie.
Speaker A:Won a ton of Oscars.
Speaker A:Like, really, really good.
Speaker A:And after that, they were like, well, we'll just let him do whatever the hell he wants.
Speaker A:And we get this.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:It's.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:You know, and it's.
Speaker A:It's one of those things.
Speaker A:But to your point, Dennis Hopper is hilarious.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:The more I watch it, the more little things I start to notice.
Speaker A:And, like, one thing I noticed the one of the last times I watched this was I couldn't even tell you when the last time I watched this was, but it was a long time ago, was his eye patches.
Speaker A:Like, how they're different things from our world now.
Speaker A:Like, excuse me.
Speaker A:It starts off as, like, I think pool goggles.
Speaker A:Like, yeah.
Speaker A:And then by the end, it's like a chin strap from a football helmet.
Speaker A:It's hilarious.
Speaker A:And that's where I start.
Speaker A:And there was another one in there.
Speaker A:I think, too, that something else that was on his face.
Speaker A:But, yeah, that, to me, was like, the funniest.
Speaker A:I don't know that it's supposed to be funny moment is watching what he uses for his eye patch throughout the show.
Speaker A:Like, it.
Speaker A:Anyway, it's funny.
Speaker A:Like, that part gets me.
Speaker B:Oh, it's.
Speaker B:It's funny, too, because it's.
Speaker B:It's in the background, Right.
Speaker B:It's not brought any attention to whatsoever.
Speaker B:And what you focus on is the fact that, you know, it's just the little deliveries, right.
Speaker B:Where he gets this fake guy for the first time and he asks everybody, oh, it looks good.
Speaker B:It looks good.
Speaker B:He asked the kid, right?
Speaker B:He gives you that line about, like, out of the.
Speaker B:Out of the mouth of babes or whatever it is.
Speaker B:Then he looks in the mirror and go, it does look like it.
Speaker B:And then, like, the scene ends like that.
Speaker B:It cuts away at that point.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so it's every little time that he's on screen doing a delivery, it's just.
Speaker B:He's in his element.
Speaker B:And I have to actually wonder if he decided to just go off script because he was reading his lines and going, no, no, no.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Just decided to improve it on the way.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because it's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's just perfect is what he's delivering on the screen.
Speaker B:And so it's.
Speaker B:I mean, like.
Speaker B:Like, he's the bad guy.
Speaker B:He's the.
Speaker B:He's the leader of the smokers.
Speaker B:They just killing everybody.
Speaker B:They're going after everybody.
Speaker B:Just, you know, Pirates of the Seas.
Speaker B:Pretty much.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And you're sitting there going, damn, I really hope he wins.
Speaker A:Oh, man.
Speaker A:So funny.
Speaker B:And that's not the way this movie is supposed to go.
Speaker A:No, not so.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:It.
Speaker B:It's just so funny.
Speaker B:And I just laugh because it's.
Speaker B:It's one of those things where you're supposed.
Speaker B:It's almost like.
Speaker B:This is also one of those almost movies with a message, right?
Speaker B:Like, you know, if we melt the polar ice caps, shit's gonna get real.
Speaker B:But it doesn't do that because I'm like, dude, I'm gonna join up with smokers.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:No, give me a jet ski, dude.
Speaker B:Give me a chance.
Speaker B:Like, they're having all the fun.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Or I want to be that dude that said out that outside the raid that's sitting on the guns that's just so into shooting stuff, he doesn't even realize that he's being turned around.
Speaker A:And like, yeah, you're like, what's his name?
Speaker A:Maybe try calling him Charles.
Speaker B:Who's that cousin over there?
Speaker A:Like, yeah.
Speaker A:And he's just like.
Speaker A:He's got this great phase.
Speaker A:He's just like, he's living his best.
Speaker B:Life and having a blast and just one thing after another.
Speaker B:And so that's, that's the thing.
Speaker B:Like this movie, like I said, the first 10 minutes I'll put up there is really good.
Speaker B:Gets you in the story and then everything else is trash.
Speaker B:And it just, it's.
Speaker B:It's a free fall from that point down.
Speaker B:And you have to almost sit there and wonder, what am I watching again?
Speaker B:Because it's almost like the, the story and the plot goes completely out the window.
Speaker B:You have no idea what you're following around with.
Speaker B:You have so many things that are happening at one time.
Speaker B:There's no cohesive real storyline that goes with it.
Speaker B:And the entire time I'm.
Speaker B:I'm sitting there going, bring me back to smokers.
Speaker B:Bring it back to the smokers.
Speaker B:I want to see more of them.
Speaker B:I want to see, you know, their function.
Speaker B:Everything, because it's.
Speaker B:Everything that happens when the smokers are on screen is hilarious.
Speaker B:You got him throwing the cigarettes out of a bag and just meat.
Speaker B:I love some smeat, some canned smeat.
Speaker B:It's like got a car, just push to start.
Speaker B:And it's wild in it.
Speaker B:It's so funny.
Speaker B:And I mean it.
Speaker B:If it's supposed to be some sort of like, you know, ecological, like, hey, you know, this could get bad if we don't take care of the earth.
Speaker B:It doesn't do a good job.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:Because I, I'm sitting there going, this, like, water will be so awesome if we could just paste the movie into real life and just have smokers going everywhere.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it's, it's funny because this is a movie that also, even though being kind of terrible, won't die.
Speaker A:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker B:Oshi and I go to, we'll go to Universal Studios every once in a while and they still got the water show.
Speaker B:And it is amazing.
Speaker B:You have this like 45 minute show that's far superior to the movie possible way.
Speaker B:It's beautiful.
Speaker B:And this movie is at this point, it's 30 years old.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:Like, this is, this is an old movie.
Speaker B:It's not a good movie by really anybody's standards.
Speaker B:But this show has been running at Universal Studios for pretty much 30 years.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Unchanged.
Speaker B:And it is.
Speaker B:It is phenomenal.
Speaker B:And so that's why I'm like, this would be a great kind of revisit.
Speaker B:Don't bring anybody back except for maybe Dennis Hopper.
Speaker A:He's still around, but that would be awesome.
Speaker B:That would.
Speaker B:So put his picture up in place of St. Joe in the.
Speaker B:In the ship.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:That would be funny.
Speaker B:And little callback.
Speaker B: u can revisit with, you know,: Speaker B:And I think you would see.
Speaker B:I think it would be really good.
Speaker B:And I mean, they're still making Mad Max films, and I think those have gone just downhill.
Speaker B:Pretty much.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:In the recent ones.
Speaker B:But I feel like you could revisit this and have it be really cool.
Speaker A:I agree.
Speaker A:I, you know, two things.
Speaker A:One, I wanted to make sure that I made the point and you did it for me, that this is one of those movies where the Universal show is better than the actual movie, which is hilarious because I've seen it a couple times and I'm like, this show is amazing.
Speaker A:Why couldn't they just do this for the movie?
Speaker B:Yeah, give me two hours of that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:And then the other point was that they could absolutely remake this.
Speaker A:And what's ironic is they could probably make it for less money.
Speaker A:This was like, at the time, the most expensive movie ever made.
Speaker A:Pretty sure the budget was almost $200 million.
Speaker A: And in: Speaker A: ike, that was astronomical in: Speaker A:Like, people thought it was crazy when they were spending 30, 40 million dollars on movies.
Speaker A:Now that's what the actors make.
Speaker A:You know, the lead actor might make in a movie.
Speaker A:Yeah, this movie, at $175 million, was insane budget, and it tanked.
Speaker A:Like, it bombed.
Speaker A:It may still be one of the greatest box office bombs in history.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker A:Yeah, you could actually, you could absolutely remake this movie.
Speaker A:I mean, they kind of did an alien version with this new avatar, from what I've heard.
Speaker A:I still haven't seen that and have no desire.
Speaker A:But, like, I mean, the technology that they have that could make.
Speaker A:Because that's one of the other things that I get.
Speaker A:It doesn't hold up either.
Speaker A:Like, like when you.
Speaker A:They go under the water and you see the city, like, it's cool that they were trying and it's.
Speaker A:But like, I always laugh when you see the disproportionate size of the.
Speaker A:The submarine next to one of the skyscrapers.
Speaker A:I'm like, wait, why is that bigger?
Speaker A:Than what the skyscraper would have even been in when it was intact.
Speaker B:Because you got to know.
Speaker B:It's a submarine.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:No, I was like, what the hell kind of what your scaling's off there, sir.
Speaker B:What gets me and this, this is what gets me is the, the landscape.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:So we see a metropolis.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So it's like a, you know, city near.
Speaker B:That's near the beach because there's a sub here.
Speaker B:At least I'm assuming it's, you know, not in the interior of Kansas.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:You got to get a submarine there.
Speaker B:So it's relatively close to the seaboard.
Speaker B:And then, you know, a little bit of swimming and all of a sudden we're at a chairlift for a ski resort.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so where the.
Speaker B:Are they?
Speaker B:Yeah, like, you may be somewhere in Europe.
Speaker B:It would be the only thing where you guessed.
Speaker A:The Alps.
Speaker A:Maybe like French France or something.
Speaker B:Yeah, like France, Italy, somewhere along there.
Speaker B:But I was just cracking up because I'm like, where the are they?
Speaker A:But then they fly for a couple days and then you're like, are we in Asia?
Speaker B:Yeah, because it's, you know, then we get to the, you know, Himalayas or whatever it is.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so it's.
Speaker B:It's one of those things where I, I feel a little bit bad as well, because using water as your medium or your backdrop is boring as.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, there's not a lot you can do when you're trying to do passage of time over water.
Speaker B:And so I feel like they got the story wrong.
Speaker B:You gotta make the story about the smokers.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, I would flip it around.
Speaker B:Smokers are the good guys, mariners, the bad guy.
Speaker B:Because then you can do more because you have more people on screen.
Speaker B:But the.
Speaker B:When your protagonist is literally three people.
Speaker B:Yeah, Right.
Speaker A:And one of them doesn't even want to talk.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And that's.
Speaker B:That's your main guy.
Speaker B:Kevin Costner doesn't want to talk.
Speaker B:Just wants to be moody and broody.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, it.
Speaker B:It doesn't work very well.
Speaker B:And so then you get these weird passages of time where, you know, how long has it been?
Speaker B:Even at the beginning where they're talking about, there's an eight hole eight days back.
Speaker B:Like, we cover that eight days and 30, 30 seconds.
Speaker B:And so it's the weird passage of time, plus with the fact that you don't have a lot that you can do with your protagonist crew because you got Kevin Costner being, you know, outcast, a self imposed outcast, just hanging out.
Speaker B:And it's like, dude, switch the story up again.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Freaking.
Speaker B:The other character I really like.
Speaker B:I don't know the actor's name, but it's the dude who's got, like, the oxygen tanks on.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And it's just.
Speaker B:Is backing me up.
Speaker B:Just everywhere he goes, he's got a little harness with oxygen tanks all sticking out of it.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:And just every.
Speaker B:Every line he's in because he's the very kind of.
Speaker B:It's almost like he's the.
Speaker B:He's the capable one out of the entire smoker crew.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And just.
Speaker B:It gives off such a funny image that this is the guy who's the brains behind the entire operation.
Speaker B:Arrows sticking up.
Speaker B:And so I. I think you gotta shift the story around a little bit or just have a more compelling protagonist crew, because it's.
Speaker B:It's boring every time that they're really on screen.
Speaker B:And then you got.
Speaker B:The most exciting part is that stupid CGI fish.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah, I know.
Speaker B:There's, like, just a huge amount.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it's like, that's the most exciting part.
Speaker B:And that's something that doesn't hold up now, watching it on a high resolution t. I could do better.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But that's the.
Speaker B:The most exciting part.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Unless the smokers are involved.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And that's the thing, is that there.
Speaker B:There's too much, not enough, or the smokers are so much fun and they don't get enough screen time that it's.
Speaker B:It just.
Speaker B:In a way, it acts against the movie.
Speaker B:Because I want more of the smokers being involved.
Speaker B:Because they're driving.
Speaker B:They're driving.
Speaker B:Force the movie, you know, without them, Kevin Carson's just gonna sail around in circles forever.
Speaker B:Forever.
Speaker B:Because he doesn't give a. Yeah.
Speaker B:And so it's.
Speaker B:It's unfortunate that they're.
Speaker B:The most likable part, the most enjoyable part, the best part, the funniest part.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then they don't get to win at the end.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:Well, and I think that's.
Speaker A:For me, like, there was no central.
Speaker A:Other than saying, we're gonna tell this story about the Earth that's now covered in water.
Speaker A:Like, they didn't think the story through.
Speaker A:Like, you can tell, like, because it's in my head.
Speaker A:I'm like, you should have had someone.
Speaker A:Instead of this Mariner guy being this loner out in the middle of nowhere and him being the central piece of the story you needed to have.
Speaker A:And even these two women, like, the.
Speaker A:You know, the.
Speaker A:The woman and the child, like, they force him into finding dry land and running and doing all this stuff.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But, like, why not make.
Speaker A:We don't get introduced to Kevin Costner's character right out the gate, right?
Speaker A:Like, let's not have him be there.
Speaker A:In fact, let's start in the little city thing.
Speaker A:Haven.
Speaker A:Right where.
Speaker A:And instead of it just being some shopkeeper woman, it's a historian in their time in their world, where she's.
Speaker A:They're trying to figure out what happened and why is the.
Speaker A:Was the world always like this?
Speaker A:Or was it something?
Speaker A:And we have all these relics and we found stuff, and, you know, and they're trying to figure out the pieces of this instead of, you know.
Speaker A:And then all of a sudden, this mystery girl gets dropped off with a map on her back or tattoos.
Speaker A:There's so many ways that you could do this that they all come together and play their parts versus this guy who is.
Speaker A:Has no charm, no charisma on camera.
Speaker A:I don't give a.
Speaker A:About him.
Speaker A:At the end of the day, he's our main protagonist that I'm like, I don't.
Speaker A:I don't care.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I don't want him to win.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like, I want to know more about the world.
Speaker A:I don't want to know more about him and what's going on with that.
Speaker A:Like, give me more of that.
Speaker A:Or set up a story.
Speaker A:Like, there's no story set up.
Speaker A:It's just this guy anyway.
Speaker A:And then there's these little elements of, like, he's a mutant and he's got gills.
Speaker A:And I'm like, there's so many interesting pieces of it that a good storyteller now could, like, to your point, make a really probably enjoyable movie.
Speaker B:And you get three movies out of it, because that's how everything's done now.
Speaker B:So you got three movies.
Speaker B:Tell your story.
Speaker A:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think there.
Speaker A:I think there's some potential here that just was never realized.
Speaker A:They probably did it too early.
Speaker A:What.
Speaker A:You know, whatever it was.
Speaker A:But it just.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's not.
Speaker A:It's just.
Speaker A:It just.
Speaker A:There was nothing realized that.
Speaker A:But there's a lot that could have been.
Speaker A:And that's why you end up with your villains being the most interesting piece of this, because they're the only thing that's truly fleshed out, as silly as that seems, because they're a weird group.
Speaker A: laugh about this is, like, in: Speaker A:Valdez.
Speaker A:And I'm like, that's Ironic, because when this was made was like, was it after.
Speaker A:When did the Valdez.
Speaker A:Wasn't it 90.
Speaker A:When did Valdez go down?
Speaker A:89.
Speaker A:So, like.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Anyway, so I.
Speaker A:They're trying to say that the world went to.
Speaker A: Before: Speaker A:But, yeah, I mean, the irony of that being it.
Speaker A:It's like.
Speaker A:But then when it goes down and you're seeing that, you're like, okay, whatever.
Speaker A:But anyway, that's another one that I was just like, that.
Speaker A:That was unnecessary.
Speaker B:Well, there's.
Speaker B:So it's funny that you say that, because now I got a.
Speaker B:The most egregious scene or sin in this movie, to me, is how Kevin, you know, the Mariner, comes about to believing that there's dry land.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Oh, is he sees Enola's drawing where she does green leaves, brown tree.
Speaker B:And then he sees that in a magazine, and that's what convinces him.
Speaker B:But she draws what she sees, so there's no reason why she wouldn't take or see the magazine and just copy that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:As being her inspiration.
Speaker B:And so the way he jumps to that conclusion, I'm going to.
Speaker A:Okay, that's fair.
Speaker B:And then the other thing that always gets me is, you know, how.
Speaker B:How long has the water actually been there?
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Because it.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's long enough that there's no adults that remember a time before water.
Speaker B:But it's not so long that Enola's parents were alive on dry land and were able to ship her off as a baby.
Speaker B:And then at the same time, they're talking about the ancients.
Speaker B:So it makes you think that it's like a hundred years.
Speaker B:But then you get to dry land, there's one little hut, which means it was probably a family of Sherpas.
Speaker B:Yeah, those lines.
Speaker B:And so there's.
Speaker B:There's no kind of talk about how long we've been in this situation, but it's long enough that everybody's forgotten or at least repressed the memory of a time before, but there's no kind of story about that.
Speaker B:And so then I'm left feeling like, hey, so all you got to really say is, you know, give me a little blip or something about, you know, a newspaper heading, if that's all you can do.
Speaker B:And so you can see, like, you know, when this happened or that there was something going on.
Speaker B:And then from there you can.
Speaker B:You can move ahead.
Speaker B:And that fixes the timeline for me.
Speaker B:But I'm sitting here going, okay, has it been 20 years?
Speaker B:Has it been 50.
Speaker B:Has it been a, you know, 200?
Speaker B:And where's the, you know, how is this fitting into the thing?
Speaker B:Because there's just so many convenient.
Speaker B:Like you were talking about not thought out story line issues.
Speaker B:And so it's just all, you know, kind of word salad up at the end and hey, hurry up, we gotta wrap this thing.
Speaker B:They find the dry land.
Speaker B:Here we go.
Speaker B:Boom, boom, boom.
Speaker B:Done scene.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it just doesn't fit.
Speaker A:Yeah, and this is very nitpicky of me, but the other one that gets me is, so this girl's.
Speaker A:What, what do they do?
Speaker A:They say how old she is?
Speaker A:Like, she's like maybe 10.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Like, and when we find her parents, they're like bleached ass bones.
Speaker A:I'm like, okay, so even if they sent her off when she was a newborn, they're not bleached ass bones 10 years later.
Speaker A:Especially sitting out in the open air like that.
Speaker A:Like, there's no bugs that have gotten in there and eaten their flat.
Speaker A:Like, I was like, hold on.
Speaker A:You act like they shipped this girl off like a hundred years ago.
Speaker A:Like it was bad.
Speaker A:Like there's just so many terrible continuity.
Speaker A:Like, just doesn't make sense.
Speaker A:But yeah, I'm with you.
Speaker A:Like, there's no, there's no indication of when or how or.
Speaker A:And I think that's the other thing that they could do in a remake is, I mean, listen, whether you like woke or not, like, you could really talk about the actual issues that we have from a climate and, you know, world view of this in some way, shape or form could happen.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Like, and.
Speaker A:But then I also think that the one thing that people don't think about is there have been scientists that have like predicted what might happen if the polar ass caps melt.
Speaker A:And the thing, you're also gonna have some weird weather patterns.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And all it is is just like pure, beautiful sunny day in this.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:In this world.
Speaker A:Like, where's the storms?
Speaker A:Because the storms got to be brutal.
Speaker A:Because you want to talk about, I mean, we currently have unfortunately, this huge hurricane that's getting ready to probably demolish Jamaica.
Speaker A:And it's had what we have on our planet right now, amount of water to build up.
Speaker A:Imagine a planet that's almost fully covered, this storm system floating over all this.
Speaker A:Oh my God, these people would be out on these little rickety freaking boats.
Speaker A:Toast.
Speaker A:If you're not on the Exxon valleys, you're done for, dude.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:So I just think there's a lot of things that they didn't think through at all.
Speaker A:They're like, well, let's just make a movie on water.
Speaker B:Yeah, well, that's the thing, is, it's like, hey, Mad Max did really well.
Speaker B:Let's go ahead and just copy that, make it worse and stick it on water to change the scenery and instant money.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Like, that's the limit of what I feel like the thought process was on this.
Speaker A:Pretty much.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:It's interesting.
Speaker B:And it just.
Speaker B:It just doesn't land.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Not at all.
Speaker A:Not at all.
Speaker A:Should we rate it?
Speaker B:Let's do it.
Speaker A:All right, my guy, you're up.
Speaker B:All right, my movie.
Speaker B:I get to go first.
Speaker B:Water World's a solid two.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's in that category of guilty pleasure for me, in the sense that I enjoy watching it even though it's trash.
Speaker B:It is not a good movie.
Speaker B:It suffers from pretty much everything we've talked about.
Speaker B:Like, it suffers from a lot, but I still feel like there is a huge amount of potential here to remake and redo and retell the story and, you know, make.
Speaker B:Make it good.
Speaker B:And, you know, it's.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker B:We've talked about several sequels, delayed sequels, late sequels, on the podcast before where, you know, they remake it, and it's trash.
Speaker B:Best part is you can.
Speaker B:You're never going to remake a movie like Waterworld and make it worse than the original.
Speaker B:Like, the bar is set so low.
Speaker B:You're good.
Speaker B:You're guaranteed to improve upon the story.
Speaker B:And I would love to see it because I am fascinated by this world.
Speaker B:I love the movie, the setup.
Speaker B:It's all right there.
Speaker B:You just have to actually go in and tell a cohesive story and leave Kevin Costner the fuck out of it.
Speaker B:And so it's a solid two.
Speaker B:I will watch it again, but it's by no means a cinematic masterpiece.
Speaker A:I'm gonna give it a one.
Speaker A:I don't have the same nostalgia factor that you do for it.
Speaker A:Where I was 14 when I saw it, and I walked out going, dad, that was trash.
Speaker A:Like, you know what I mean?
Speaker A:Like, the.
Speaker A:Did we just watch?
Speaker A:And so it was like one of those things where I was like, I can't sit and go, okay, there's some intrinsic value to this.
Speaker A:Like, I see no value in this movie whatsoever, but Other than Dennis Hopper in some of those moments.
Speaker A:But, yeah, so it's like one of those things where I'm just like, wolf.
Speaker A:It's bad.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:But to your point, there is potential oozing out of this movie.
Speaker A:And I think someone with the right.
Speaker A:The problem is, and this is probably not even here on my rating, but I don't think anybody has the balls to do it because the negative connotation that comes with if you say water world, people are either like, it's amazing because it's something that they grew up with, or they're like me.
Speaker A:And they're like, that's one of the worst movies that ever got made, especially for the budget that had it on it.
Speaker A:And it's like, nobody's gonna touch that with a ten foot pole.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Which is sad because I think you could really make some cool with this movie.
Speaker A:But anyway, there it is.
Speaker A:One, I will actively avoid watching this movie.
Speaker A:If I want to watch Dennis Hopper in his greatest MO.
Speaker A:Some of his greatest hits, I'll go YouTube that.
Speaker A:Because there is some funny.
Speaker A:And the old man is funny too.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:But like, yeah, there's.
Speaker A:It's just some, like one of the other.
Speaker A:The epitome of bad to me for this movie too, is when he has the fight in the underbelly of his ship with the guy that's trying to, you know, get the girl or whatever, and he comes out and you can clearly tell there's not a wound on his back, there's just.
Speaker A:They poured some fake blood down his back.
Speaker A:I'm like, how's he dying?
Speaker A:Like, the hell happened to this dude?
Speaker A:Like, I don't, I don't understand.
Speaker A:So anyway, yeah, one for me.
Speaker A:Thanks a lot for making me watch this.
Speaker A:You're welcome again for, yeah, I mean, whatever.
Speaker A:Long ago, but God almighty.
Speaker A:So there it is.
Speaker A:What a kickoff to November.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Tell everybody to find us.
Speaker A:Alec.
Speaker B:Happy to.
Speaker B:Like JJ said this, this is the first week of movies that are funny when they weren't intended, weren't supposed to, and probably shouldn't be funny.
Speaker B:And the best part about the what's ever to podcast for nude listeners or returning listeners, I think, is that we don't always pick good movies.
Speaker B:We stick to the category.
Speaker B:And the movie choices are, in many cases, if not overwhelmingly, all of them are designed to fuck with each other first and foremost.
Speaker B:Then it goes into the category.
Speaker B:And from that point, if we can check off 1 and 2, then we'll pick a good movie if it, if it all aligns.
Speaker B:But we're not after the greatest of cinema, we are after that category and kind of hitting the road less traveled, as it were.
Speaker B:YouTube is the best place to find us, to see our smiling faces, but Patreon is the best place to get involved with the content is absolutely free to go onto our Patreon at what's our verdict?
Speaker B:Reviews and vote on topics, suggest topics and then vote on movies that are selected to be a part of that topic.
Speaker B:So get involved in voting process absolutely free.
Speaker B:If you do want to access to we're up to about 600 extra bonus episodes, bloopers, outtakes, whole nine yards, extra content behind a little bit of paywall.
Speaker B:But from that point, you guys get access to everything that we've done and we have done some doozy films that are behind this, this paywall.
Speaker B:Pink Flamingos, anybody?
Speaker B:We've done that.
Speaker B:So Patreon's best place to get involved with the content and special shout out and thanks to our patrons, CB and Rich.
Speaker B:CB, of course, is the one who gave us this topic.
Speaker B:So don't at me in the comments.
Speaker B:Go after Charles.
Speaker B:I'll kick it back to The Wazir of WAP, the Titan of Terror.
Speaker A:A J.J. yes, sir.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's gonna be an interesting month.
Speaker A:We'll, we'll, that'll be, it'll be fun.
Speaker A:There's some doozies coming, but yeah, as always, we appreciate you tuning in.
Speaker A:We'll catch you on the next one.
Speaker B:Hasta la vista, baby.
Speaker A:Cinematic.
